it's someone's birthday!
wishing you the best, happiest, andmost delightful birthday ever!
happy birthday! we love you!
Friday, October 22, 2010
guess what day it is?!
wishing you the best, happiest, andmost delightful birthday ever!
happy birthday! we love you!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
You guys know how much my grandparents mean to me.
Pawdy's cancer has become aggressive. There is no safe treatment, and doctors are saying he will not likely survive the rest of the year. He may, in fact, pass sooner.
We're all scraping to get to him ASAP. I can't really say more and it's hard to type.
Please think/pray for him, my family, and me.
K.Z.
Pawdy's cancer has become aggressive. There is no safe treatment, and doctors are saying he will not likely survive the rest of the year. He may, in fact, pass sooner.
We're all scraping to get to him ASAP. I can't really say more and it's hard to type.
Please think/pray for him, my family, and me.
K.Z.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
In Memoriam: Dr. Simpkins
The world, particularly that of academics, needs more men like him who challenge the way things are done.
May he have a happy afterlife.
K.Z.
May he have a happy afterlife.
K.Z.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Stewy's Insane Giggle
Hehehe!
I'm so giddy. I just spoke with another professor. He is professor of my online class "Queering Culture."
I called him to discuss the possibility of serving on my dissertation committee. He's thrilled at the prospect, loves my ideas, and...
He remembers me and my essay from the conference!
Turns out he was the professor I spoke to after my presentation on Salome. The conversation that made me want to apply to UL!
Hehehe!
I'm so excited right now. I can't wait to finish here at work and go home and prepare information for him!
E.D.
I'm so giddy. I just spoke with another professor. He is professor of my online class "Queering Culture."
I called him to discuss the possibility of serving on my dissertation committee. He's thrilled at the prospect, loves my ideas, and...
He remembers me and my essay from the conference!
Turns out he was the professor I spoke to after my presentation on Salome. The conversation that made me want to apply to UL!
Hehehe!
I'm so excited right now. I can't wait to finish here at work and go home and prepare information for him!
E.D.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
On My Way
I feel like I'm getting somewhere. Finally.
I met with my assigned mentor today. She is my 20th century American prof. this semester. Literature on the working class.
I talked to her about my goals and interests. We had a good hour meeting. I thought it went well. We're both talkers, and both tend to get off subject, but she was impressed that I took such initiative and knew exactly what I wanted to do for my dissertation. She took copious notes, we exchanged interesting book and film titles. She even took me down to the department's little dvd library to find me a dvd, which I watched already, and was thoroughly interested and disturbed. (Research Kenneth Pinyan) She was very supportive of my strange and disturbing research interests, and didn't pass judgment on my obsession with the Hamilton series. In fact, she suggested I could extend my dissertation to include her.
She said she found my topics legitimately interesting, and I left her a copy of my first draft of the Wilde essay.
People seem far less pretentious here. They know the difference between true art and fluff, but they have an appreciation for both, because both contribute to our lives and culture. Therefore, both are worth study. I've met at least one other fellow student with an ereader. The Barnes and Noble version. She got flack for it, but, like me, she realized the benefits for her are worth it. (I've started using mine, and it's incredibly useful. I got one of the better models that allows me to download from more than just the sony bookstore, including pdfs, music, pictures, it has a touchpad and pen, so I can highlight and take notes, etc. I'm enjoying it. I still get books too, though.)
Anyway, I don't see people much. I'm too busy. I have friendly acquaintances, though I think a couple of people I've been out with have stopped inviting me to things. I can't say why, but I'm too busy to worry about it. But, in general, people here have impressed me with their openmindedness, and their general kindness.
K.Z.
I met with my assigned mentor today. She is my 20th century American prof. this semester. Literature on the working class.
I talked to her about my goals and interests. We had a good hour meeting. I thought it went well. We're both talkers, and both tend to get off subject, but she was impressed that I took such initiative and knew exactly what I wanted to do for my dissertation. She took copious notes, we exchanged interesting book and film titles. She even took me down to the department's little dvd library to find me a dvd, which I watched already, and was thoroughly interested and disturbed. (Research Kenneth Pinyan) She was very supportive of my strange and disturbing research interests, and didn't pass judgment on my obsession with the Hamilton series. In fact, she suggested I could extend my dissertation to include her.
She said she found my topics legitimately interesting, and I left her a copy of my first draft of the Wilde essay.
People seem far less pretentious here. They know the difference between true art and fluff, but they have an appreciation for both, because both contribute to our lives and culture. Therefore, both are worth study. I've met at least one other fellow student with an ereader. The Barnes and Noble version. She got flack for it, but, like me, she realized the benefits for her are worth it. (I've started using mine, and it's incredibly useful. I got one of the better models that allows me to download from more than just the sony bookstore, including pdfs, music, pictures, it has a touchpad and pen, so I can highlight and take notes, etc. I'm enjoying it. I still get books too, though.)
Anyway, I don't see people much. I'm too busy. I have friendly acquaintances, though I think a couple of people I've been out with have stopped inviting me to things. I can't say why, but I'm too busy to worry about it. But, in general, people here have impressed me with their openmindedness, and their general kindness.
K.Z.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
The Nathan Fillion Surprised/Confused Grunt
So my family, my whole family, seems to have accepted that Brian is a permanency. I've been very careful not to talk about our intentions. But, I mentioned it ever so lightly as a possibility while talking to my mom and she didn't bat an eyelash. We were discussing issues of transferring title of ownerships, insurance, and residency and she just proceeded to say, "Well, if that's the case then when you two get married you can..." I sort of stopped listening to the rest because I was surprised.
When we hung up I did the Nathan Fillion Surprised/Confused Grunt.
(Most of you have no idea what the hell that is. I know. Shame on you. Watch the damn series! Or at least the first episode where he first discovers River in a box.)
Anyway, I talked to my grandfather, who always mentions him and how impressed mom and dad were. He insists on meeting him. Of course, he wants to partially because he has cancer again and his life is winding down and he doesn't want to miss out. I'm the baby. The last one. He knows he won't see the great-grandkids grow. So, I'm the last one.
Anyway, he talks about how I'd make a great military wife and at one point refers to Brian as a member of the family.
Nathan Fillion Surprised/Confused Grunt
K.Z.
When we hung up I did the Nathan Fillion Surprised/Confused Grunt.
(Most of you have no idea what the hell that is. I know. Shame on you. Watch the damn series! Or at least the first episode where he first discovers River in a box.)
Anyway, I talked to my grandfather, who always mentions him and how impressed mom and dad were. He insists on meeting him. Of course, he wants to partially because he has cancer again and his life is winding down and he doesn't want to miss out. I'm the baby. The last one. He knows he won't see the great-grandkids grow. So, I'm the last one.
Anyway, he talks about how I'd make a great military wife and at one point refers to Brian as a member of the family.
Nathan Fillion Surprised/Confused Grunt
K.Z.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Discussion on Bisexual Identity...Finally!
APA: Ten Year Study Says Bisexual Women's Orientation Is Not A "Transitional Phase"
BYLINE: Autumn Sandeen
LENGTH: 512 words
Jan. 26, 2009 (Pam's House Blend delivered by Newstex) -- From YourTango (New York, NY, USA): A study published by the American Psychological Association recognizes that women can maintain a long-term attraction to both genders. This study, done over 10 years, was intended to refute the myth that bisexual women were lesbians trying to straddle the fence between societal expectations and their true feelings. It also shows that bisexual women are able to commit to long-term relationships.
The media release for the APA adds: Bisexuality in women appears to be a distinctive sexual orientation and not an experimental or transitional stage that some women adopt "on their way" to lesbianism, according to new research published by the American Psychological Association. ...Among [Lisa M. Diamond, PhD]'s findings: • Bisexual and unlabeled women were more likely than lesbians to change their identity over the course of the study, but they tended to switch between bisexual and unlabeled rather than to settle on lesbian or heterosexual as their identities. • Seventeen percent of respondents switched from a bisexual or unlabeled identity to heterosexual during the study - but more than half of these women switched back to bisexual or unlabeled by the end. • By year 10, most of the women were involved in long-term (i.e., more than a year in length) monogamous relationships - 70 percent of the self-identified lesbians, 89 percent of the bisexuals, 85 percent of the unlabeled women and 67 percent of those who were then calling themselves heterosexual. • Women's definitions of lesbianism appeared to permit more flexibility in behavior than their definitions of heterosexuality. For example, of the women who identified as lesbian in the last round of interviews, 15 percent reported having sexual contact with a man during the prior two years. In contrast, none of the women who settled on a heterosexual label at that point reported having sexual contact with a woman within the previous two years. "This provides further support for the notion that female sexuality is relatively fluid and that the distinction between lesbian and bisexual women is not a rigid one," Diamond wrote. Tom Miller, from YourTango, added his commentary... We bet that the GLBT community is breathing a collective sigh of relief that someone has finally approved their orientation. Maybe Logo will even do a special on this. When asked if she plans on doing a follow up study on men, Dr. Diamond will probably say, "Nope. Pretty sure they're gay. Or sometimes drunk."Let's hope the last line turns out to be nothing but a punch line ( - without alcohol added to the punch). But in one sense, Tom hit on a truth -- we do kinda need studies to say bisexuality exists, because it seems a significant portion of L&G people don't believe bisexuality really exists as a sexual orientation. And that, to me anyway, seems kinda sad. Acknowledging and embracing the diversity of LGBT people within the broad, LGBT community seems pretty important. Newstex ID: PAMS-0001-31270763
BYLINE: Autumn Sandeen
LENGTH: 512 words
Jan. 26, 2009 (Pam's House Blend delivered by Newstex) -- From YourTango (New York, NY, USA): A study published by the American Psychological Association recognizes that women can maintain a long-term attraction to both genders. This study, done over 10 years, was intended to refute the myth that bisexual women were lesbians trying to straddle the fence between societal expectations and their true feelings. It also shows that bisexual women are able to commit to long-term relationships.
The media release for the APA adds: Bisexuality in women appears to be a distinctive sexual orientation and not an experimental or transitional stage that some women adopt "on their way" to lesbianism, according to new research published by the American Psychological Association. ...Among [Lisa M. Diamond, PhD]'s findings: • Bisexual and unlabeled women were more likely than lesbians to change their identity over the course of the study, but they tended to switch between bisexual and unlabeled rather than to settle on lesbian or heterosexual as their identities. • Seventeen percent of respondents switched from a bisexual or unlabeled identity to heterosexual during the study - but more than half of these women switched back to bisexual or unlabeled by the end. • By year 10, most of the women were involved in long-term (i.e., more than a year in length) monogamous relationships - 70 percent of the self-identified lesbians, 89 percent of the bisexuals, 85 percent of the unlabeled women and 67 percent of those who were then calling themselves heterosexual. • Women's definitions of lesbianism appeared to permit more flexibility in behavior than their definitions of heterosexuality. For example, of the women who identified as lesbian in the last round of interviews, 15 percent reported having sexual contact with a man during the prior two years. In contrast, none of the women who settled on a heterosexual label at that point reported having sexual contact with a woman within the previous two years. "This provides further support for the notion that female sexuality is relatively fluid and that the distinction between lesbian and bisexual women is not a rigid one," Diamond wrote. Tom Miller, from YourTango, added his commentary... We bet that the GLBT community is breathing a collective sigh of relief that someone has finally approved their orientation. Maybe Logo will even do a special on this. When asked if she plans on doing a follow up study on men, Dr. Diamond will probably say, "Nope. Pretty sure they're gay. Or sometimes drunk."Let's hope the last line turns out to be nothing but a punch line ( - without alcohol added to the punch). But in one sense, Tom hit on a truth -- we do kinda need studies to say bisexuality exists, because it seems a significant portion of L&G people don't believe bisexuality really exists as a sexual orientation. And that, to me anyway, seems kinda sad. Acknowledging and embracing the diversity of LGBT people within the broad, LGBT community seems pretty important. Newstex ID: PAMS-0001-31270763
Saturday, August 28, 2010
My First Week
Well, I have a class schedule, but no real work schedule yet.
Dr. Dwivedi (my boss) and I tried to work out a schedule. He told me to come in Thursday and we would begin then.
I ended up in the office every day this week. For long periods of time.
It was a long, tiring week. I got my first job assignment editing a Robotics Technology Education proposal. Fun, huh? I've worked hard on it because I'm nervous about doing a good job. I'm not finished, though. I asked for a deadline, but no one would give me one. So I just tried to keep them updated on where I was. Dr. Dwivedi suggested I finish by the next day. But, then he laughed. So I suppose that means he wasn't serious. I'm over-analyzing I think because I'm nervous. I don't want to lose the opportunity before it's even begun. The assistantship isn't official yet. Right now it feels like I'm working harder on the assistantship than school. I hope it doesn't always feel that way.
The 20th century working class course should be enlightening. I didn't realize how little I knew about class issues. I'm definitely going to love my queering lit course, even though it's online. The French course scared the hell out of me. I expected it, but not really. The professor starting talking and I went "oh shit." I spoke to him, though, and told him my situation. He told me I could write in English. I expressed gratitude, but said I wanted to do what everyone else was doing; I didn't want any favors or special treatment. He offered to get materials together to help me study, I can tape his lectures, etc. He said that if I really wanted to do the work my level should advance phenomenally in a very short period of time.
It was an extremely busy week. I haven't attended any of the club/group meetings yet. I haven't figured enough of my schedule out to do that.
I want to take a big nap.
K.Z.
Dr. Dwivedi (my boss) and I tried to work out a schedule. He told me to come in Thursday and we would begin then.
I ended up in the office every day this week. For long periods of time.
It was a long, tiring week. I got my first job assignment editing a Robotics Technology Education proposal. Fun, huh? I've worked hard on it because I'm nervous about doing a good job. I'm not finished, though. I asked for a deadline, but no one would give me one. So I just tried to keep them updated on where I was. Dr. Dwivedi suggested I finish by the next day. But, then he laughed. So I suppose that means he wasn't serious. I'm over-analyzing I think because I'm nervous. I don't want to lose the opportunity before it's even begun. The assistantship isn't official yet. Right now it feels like I'm working harder on the assistantship than school. I hope it doesn't always feel that way.
The 20th century working class course should be enlightening. I didn't realize how little I knew about class issues. I'm definitely going to love my queering lit course, even though it's online. The French course scared the hell out of me. I expected it, but not really. The professor starting talking and I went "oh shit." I spoke to him, though, and told him my situation. He told me I could write in English. I expressed gratitude, but said I wanted to do what everyone else was doing; I didn't want any favors or special treatment. He offered to get materials together to help me study, I can tape his lectures, etc. He said that if I really wanted to do the work my level should advance phenomenally in a very short period of time.
It was an extremely busy week. I haven't attended any of the club/group meetings yet. I haven't figured enough of my schedule out to do that.
I want to take a big nap.
K.Z.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Wow
So, I get an e-mail through the graduate Wiselist. It's asking for help with technical writing. Now, I notice briefly something about the possibility of an assistantship, but I apply just because it's habit.
I get a call not five minutes later. It's from the professor searching for a student. He said he loved my resume so much, it was so perfect that he wanted to know if I wanted the job. He had a stack of resumes to look at but would put it off if he knew I was interested.
Of course I was! I said I would meet with him ASAP.
He is a significantly older Indian/Hindu man. Very Hindu. He's been with the school for a long time now, and he seems to have some significant pull in his work. He has a grant which allows him to hire an assistant for research, writing, editing, personal errands, etc. I'll have tuition waiver/paid, a stipend, and monthly/hourly pay. It will be very different from an English dept. Assistant. It will be a very personal working relationship. I'll have my own office. I'll run all his appointments and associations, etc. I'll work with him on projects both in office and at home, mine and his if he needs me. He's in poor health so I may have to drive for him, take care of his office hours when he can't make it, etc. It's a big job, and he says it will be more like family than employer/employee. His last girl was with him 13 years or something. He paid her overtime, and she still does work for him occasionally from a distance. It seems like a big job, but I think he'll take care of me as long as I work hard for him. He'll make sure I am paid well and have time for my own studies and life, as long as I reciprocate and make sure the work is solid.
I was worried I'd have to work as a waitress. So much for that bitches!
I get a call not five minutes later. It's from the professor searching for a student. He said he loved my resume so much, it was so perfect that he wanted to know if I wanted the job. He had a stack of resumes to look at but would put it off if he knew I was interested.
Of course I was! I said I would meet with him ASAP.
He is a significantly older Indian/Hindu man. Very Hindu. He's been with the school for a long time now, and he seems to have some significant pull in his work. He has a grant which allows him to hire an assistant for research, writing, editing, personal errands, etc. I'll have tuition waiver/paid, a stipend, and monthly/hourly pay. It will be very different from an English dept. Assistant. It will be a very personal working relationship. I'll have my own office. I'll run all his appointments and associations, etc. I'll work with him on projects both in office and at home, mine and his if he needs me. He's in poor health so I may have to drive for him, take care of his office hours when he can't make it, etc. It's a big job, and he says it will be more like family than employer/employee. His last girl was with him 13 years or something. He paid her overtime, and she still does work for him occasionally from a distance. It seems like a big job, but I think he'll take care of me as long as I work hard for him. He'll make sure I am paid well and have time for my own studies and life, as long as I reciprocate and make sure the work is solid.
I was worried I'd have to work as a waitress. So much for that bitches!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
It's all happened way too fast.
I'm not sure why. I've had plenty of time to prepare. Months. Even as the summer wore on, I began packing fairly last minute, my friends threw a surprise going-away party (during which I cried), and I drove to Louisiana with my parents and boyfriend to move in it just didn't really sink in.
Until yesterday.
Brian stayed as long as he possibly could. After work I went back to the apartment where he was already sweaty from lugging trash out for me. I picked up, and he did the heavy lifting. He's so good about that.
I paid to have the complex take care of the cleaning. One less thing for me to do. So, once things were as picked up as they were going to get for the time being, we sat down on the bare carpet. We sat.
For over an hour we sat in silence. We laid down and rested. All in complete silence. Finally it came time for him to leave, he had stayed as long as he could. But somehow we couldn't get ourselves up just yet.
I cried. You know those tears that make your throat hurt because they're silent and can't possibly expunge all the emotion you're feeling? I tried not to sob. But they were obvious.
There was a long while of hugging, holding, rocking, and kissing. Whispering, too.
"It'll be okay."
"It's not the end. We'll see each other as soon as possible."
"I love you."
"Beautiful."
I know all these things are true. It didn't really help though.
We finally got up and gathered our things. Still in silence we went to our cars and emptied our hands. Then, outside my car, we hugged, kissed, and held for another ten minutes or so, unaware of the blistering heat of the August afternoon in Texas around us.
He gently nudged me on the lower back toward my car. I climbed in and sat there a second before I shut the door. I looked out the window at him for a long second, then he slowly walked away.
I realized it wasn't over. I was going to have to say goodbye two or three more times to people just as important. Possibly more so. I got tired just thinking about it. I know they will only be a phone call away if I need them. If I have a breakdown (which I will) they'll talk me through like they always have. But it's not the same. I can't just pick up and drive to Dallas for dinner and a movie. There are so many cool new places in Louisiana, but they don't hold the same charm without my crew. I'm leaving so much behind. It makes me wonder if it's all worth it.
I cried more on the way to my grandparents'. They could tell I wasn't at my best. My grandfather automatically offered his airline miles so I could visit Brian in California. God bless him.
I think Brandi and Nick know how much I love them. We always wish we had said it more at times like this. But I hope they know I don't consider them friends; I consider them family. (Did I use the semicolon correctly?)
It feels so sudden. It shouldn't. Maybe subconsciously I avoided the impact until the last possible moment.
Brandi, you're not the kind of friend one loses or replaces. You can't replace a sister. Jean-Claude and his blanket have a permanent place in my living room. NO ONE messes with them. They're saving your seat.
Nick, I always wanted a brother. Now I have a brother/honorary sister. Thanks for letting me be a perv.
Amanda, your like the best girlfriend out of a movie. There for the shopping, girltalk, and those important sidekick moments when the heroine needs a shoulder or a kick in the ass. Save some up, and we'll go nuts the next time.
My mother said there are friends who can be separate for many years, then come together like not a day has passed.
This is the one time I want her to be right.
I'm not sure why. I've had plenty of time to prepare. Months. Even as the summer wore on, I began packing fairly last minute, my friends threw a surprise going-away party (during which I cried), and I drove to Louisiana with my parents and boyfriend to move in it just didn't really sink in.
Until yesterday.
Brian stayed as long as he possibly could. After work I went back to the apartment where he was already sweaty from lugging trash out for me. I picked up, and he did the heavy lifting. He's so good about that.
I paid to have the complex take care of the cleaning. One less thing for me to do. So, once things were as picked up as they were going to get for the time being, we sat down on the bare carpet. We sat.
For over an hour we sat in silence. We laid down and rested. All in complete silence. Finally it came time for him to leave, he had stayed as long as he could. But somehow we couldn't get ourselves up just yet.
I cried. You know those tears that make your throat hurt because they're silent and can't possibly expunge all the emotion you're feeling? I tried not to sob. But they were obvious.
There was a long while of hugging, holding, rocking, and kissing. Whispering, too.
"It'll be okay."
"It's not the end. We'll see each other as soon as possible."
"I love you."
"Beautiful."
I know all these things are true. It didn't really help though.
We finally got up and gathered our things. Still in silence we went to our cars and emptied our hands. Then, outside my car, we hugged, kissed, and held for another ten minutes or so, unaware of the blistering heat of the August afternoon in Texas around us.
He gently nudged me on the lower back toward my car. I climbed in and sat there a second before I shut the door. I looked out the window at him for a long second, then he slowly walked away.
I realized it wasn't over. I was going to have to say goodbye two or three more times to people just as important. Possibly more so. I got tired just thinking about it. I know they will only be a phone call away if I need them. If I have a breakdown (which I will) they'll talk me through like they always have. But it's not the same. I can't just pick up and drive to Dallas for dinner and a movie. There are so many cool new places in Louisiana, but they don't hold the same charm without my crew. I'm leaving so much behind. It makes me wonder if it's all worth it.
I cried more on the way to my grandparents'. They could tell I wasn't at my best. My grandfather automatically offered his airline miles so I could visit Brian in California. God bless him.
I think Brandi and Nick know how much I love them. We always wish we had said it more at times like this. But I hope they know I don't consider them friends; I consider them family. (Did I use the semicolon correctly?)
It feels so sudden. It shouldn't. Maybe subconsciously I avoided the impact until the last possible moment.
Brandi, you're not the kind of friend one loses or replaces. You can't replace a sister. Jean-Claude and his blanket have a permanent place in my living room. NO ONE messes with them. They're saving your seat.
Nick, I always wanted a brother. Now I have a brother/honorary sister. Thanks for letting me be a perv.
Amanda, your like the best girlfriend out of a movie. There for the shopping, girltalk, and those important sidekick moments when the heroine needs a shoulder or a kick in the ass. Save some up, and we'll go nuts the next time.
My mother said there are friends who can be separate for many years, then come together like not a day has passed.
This is the one time I want her to be right.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Is It Over Yet?
There are many things in my life I am not ready to end.
Seeing my friends on a regular basis.
Seeing my boyfriend on a regular basis.
SMG.
The Clay Pit.
But, frankly, I won't miss adjuncting, and I'm already ready for the semester to end.
I know, you've heard this song and dance from me before. And you can imagine as thin as my patience for teaching like this is, it is getting worse as I draw near to the end of it.
God bless my dear Brandi, whose strength and patience makes her able to handle it far better than I.
I am afraid I may kill one of my students who is arrogant, far too opinionated, too loud, and upsets more than just me. Of course, I sigh with weariness and say "let's move on." He knows it too, and he seems to think it's funny.
My other class isn't bad, they're just so quiet. It's hard to get them to speak, so I have to, then it's not as fun. I have the two extremes, and I'm so tired! So very tired!
K.Z.
Seeing my friends on a regular basis.
Seeing my boyfriend on a regular basis.
SMG.
The Clay Pit.
But, frankly, I won't miss adjuncting, and I'm already ready for the semester to end.
I know, you've heard this song and dance from me before. And you can imagine as thin as my patience for teaching like this is, it is getting worse as I draw near to the end of it.
God bless my dear Brandi, whose strength and patience makes her able to handle it far better than I.
I am afraid I may kill one of my students who is arrogant, far too opinionated, too loud, and upsets more than just me. Of course, I sigh with weariness and say "let's move on." He knows it too, and he seems to think it's funny.
My other class isn't bad, they're just so quiet. It's hard to get them to speak, so I have to, then it's not as fun. I have the two extremes, and I'm so tired! So very tired!
K.Z.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Scared
Of all the changes coming, one thing scares me.
Forget the money issues, forget the classes, the work, the French...
I'm in love again. I've fallen hard. And I have to leave him behind. Today he lay in bed with me as I started to fall asleep, he kept pulling away to leave, to go back to Abliene, I kept pulling him back. I lay there drifting and he kissed me, and whispered in my ear that he loved me. I nearly cried.
K.Z.
Forget the money issues, forget the classes, the work, the French...
I'm in love again. I've fallen hard. And I have to leave him behind. Today he lay in bed with me as I started to fall asleep, he kept pulling away to leave, to go back to Abliene, I kept pulling him back. I lay there drifting and he kissed me, and whispered in my ear that he loved me. I nearly cried.
K.Z.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Hungry
I picked up Hungry, Crystal Renn's autobiography on her struggle as a model with anorexia and exercise bulimia. It truly makes me cry. I see so much of myself in her story. She's almost exactly my age, and has gone through so many of the same things to get where she is.
If you don't know who she is, she is a plus size model now, she started out as a model way too thin for her body. She was Jean Paul Gautier's first plus sized model, I believe, and she really gained fame when he designed a dress just for her for the finale of one of his shows after she gained 60 or 70 pounds.
She's now 5'9", bra size 38C, 42" hips, 30" waist, dress size 12 (approx.), shoe size 10.
I am 5'7", bra size 38C or 36D, I don't know my measurements, dress size 12-14, shoe size 10-11.
She gives a girl like me so much hope for confidence in my body that I'm literally in tears.
Here is a picture of her on the runway:
After the trip to NOLA I was uplifted to have all those women, strippers, the ideal of sexuality (they really were like the ones you see on TV and in movies) surround me and tell me how adorable a beautiful I was, and fawn over my breasts and curves.
What's more is my boyfriend. He's so supportive. He doesn't give a shit if I lose weight. He just wants me to be happy and confident enough in my body to show it off to him. He tells me all the time I'll never be skinny, and I'm not supposed to be. He touches my body, my rounded stomach, my full hips, he squeezes and fondles. And when I get uncomfortable with it he stops and says, "hey, I'm just loving you."
I better stop now cause I'm crying. I just wanted to express thanks to people who love me just the way I am. It's working.
K.Z.
If you don't know who she is, she is a plus size model now, she started out as a model way too thin for her body. She was Jean Paul Gautier's first plus sized model, I believe, and she really gained fame when he designed a dress just for her for the finale of one of his shows after she gained 60 or 70 pounds.
She's now 5'9", bra size 38C, 42" hips, 30" waist, dress size 12 (approx.), shoe size 10.
I am 5'7", bra size 38C or 36D, I don't know my measurements, dress size 12-14, shoe size 10-11.
She gives a girl like me so much hope for confidence in my body that I'm literally in tears.
Here is a picture of her on the runway:
After the trip to NOLA I was uplifted to have all those women, strippers, the ideal of sexuality (they really were like the ones you see on TV and in movies) surround me and tell me how adorable a beautiful I was, and fawn over my breasts and curves.
What's more is my boyfriend. He's so supportive. He doesn't give a shit if I lose weight. He just wants me to be happy and confident enough in my body to show it off to him. He tells me all the time I'll never be skinny, and I'm not supposed to be. He touches my body, my rounded stomach, my full hips, he squeezes and fondles. And when I get uncomfortable with it he stops and says, "hey, I'm just loving you."
I better stop now cause I'm crying. I just wanted to express thanks to people who love me just the way I am. It's working.
K.Z.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Support Your Local Strippers
So, now for the pictures and stories NOT on Facebook...
Excited and ready, we hit the ground running. Bourbon street in the early evening. And the sun went down, things heated up. We started at the beginning and walked all the way down past the gay district (with was celebrating NOLA Pride weekend, more on that later) to Lafitte's bar.
On this adventure I had a hand grenade, hard cider, some shots of I don't know what, and a hurricane, which was basically just a giant shot! Needless to say, I was out of it.
We had food at a hole-in-the-wall grill in the gay district, and it was some of the best food we had the whole trip. We went three times.
I insisted on going into the Hustler store, hehe that was fun, and, of course, a strip club.
Lipstixx was the club of choice and it was actually fun! The strippers seem to love it when girls come in, especially when they are willing to participate. You know me, of course I was willing! They did all kinds of things! Put dollars in my lap and did headstands with their stuff in my face to get them, put dollars in between my breasts. You guys, strippers LOVE my breasts. They couldn't get enough of them! They didn't just take money for them, they did stuff without payment! Shook their heads between them, squeezed them, kissed them...it was crazy! They talked to me while they danced on stage, thanked me for supporting them, kissed me on the cheek when I left. And, that's not even the end! We went to another strip club on our last night...more on that in a minute.
So we went home, I was pretty wasted, and got up fairly early without a hangover. We set out on a walk in the French quarter, then to Emeril's NOLA for lunch. Very swanky, ridiculously good food. OMG. Then we walked to the French Market for a while, then Margaritaville, then back for a little rest. Then, out again! To the square and cathedral, Cafe Du Monde for dinner. Then the ghost tour! Always fun and educational. Of course, you know me, I knew more about the LaLaurie house already, but it was still fun. Of course, we stopped at Lafitte's and had infamous Voodoo daquiris. Yikes! Then the tour ended at the absinthe house, which is now legal as of 2007! Had to try...and did...yuck! But I drank it anyway for the experience. Needless to say, without meaning to, I was wasted again. But, apparently I'm not a terrible drunk, because we still went out for a yummy dinner. I started to get dizzy, so Brian insisted we go back. We did, and I don't remember much.
The next day, up early again! Walking walking walking. The riverwalk, the aquarium, Mulate's, which was too expensive, Walking walking walking, nap. Then up again, a quick bite, and the voodoo tour. That was a good tour for me. Learned a lot, and got a quartz necklace blessed by a practitioner at an altar, as well as some other voudou stuff.
Then, more food. And, finally, our last night on the town!
We discovered that Bourbon St. had lost it's charm after the first time. So, we walked around looking for something to do, feeling ready to quit. Then we hit the gay district. The gays know how to party! Their part of the street was the best part! Clean, fun, good drinks! So we partied with them for a while. It was like something out of Queer as Folk! GoGo dancers on the bar in their underwear, gay men and women, and straight women, dancing and drinking to thumping remixes of Cher and Britney, so much fun!
Then we walked down to find and ATM and thought, it's hot and nasty, let's settle somewhere. Where? A strip club!
It may have been the best time of the trip. It was more upscale than the first, the dancers were more talented and prettier. And they LOVED us! I'm not kidding! They hardly hustled us at all. ONE girl tried, and then that was it. Brian laughed his ass off at me, because I was flushed with embarrassment most of the time. They came at me all the time! They played with my boobs, asked me questions, one girl even took most of my top off and did all kinds of stuff to me, they all kept threatening to steal me from Brian, he was so proud! Even the waitress was asking me if my breasts were real, what size they were, telling me how adorable I was. They almost totally ignored Brian, it was so funny! They thanked me and kissed me and hugged me for coming and supporting them, we were there from 11pm to 4am! Towards the end, the "best personality" dancer pulled me up on stage! I oh so reluctantly go up. I could feel my face burning. Brian was smiling like "go!" So I crawled up there, laughing nervously and blushing like crazy! She danced with me, put dollars down my dress, danced around me, while I was trying not to fall over in laughter and embarrassment. Turns out, she wasn't supposed to do that, so the hostess asked us to stop, but with a smile on her face and very quietly so as not to embarrass anyone. The dancer laughed and kissed me and thanked me. People laughed and clapped.
We ended it on our favorite dancer (man was she talented!) and gave her the last of the ones we had, and got up. We said goodbye to the dancers, they were so sweet! As we did, the DJ gave an announcement. He thanked the "couple who just got up" for coming, said they really enjoyed having us, and that "they almost never really enjoy people but they enjoyed us."
As we left the club, Brian suddenly had to pee. He asked the bouncer if he could run in real quick. The bouncer said, "are you kidding? You got a standing ovation from the DJ and dancers, that NEVER happens!"
What a night. Brian is a straight man, and has been to more than his fair share of clubs, and he said he's NEVER had an experience like that. He was proud. And I got to live a little fantasy of mine! I got onstage at a strip club!
We ate at our favorite gay establishment again, and went back to the hotel, crawling in at about 6am. The next day we had a lot of time between checkout and flight. We tried some walking and shopping but were just ready to go home. We stayed in the lobby and while, then had some food, while Brian ran one last errand for me (my feet were hurting too much) I met a young Russian Jew who was there for a conference and she rode in the taxi with us. She was nice and we talked academics. Then we got to the airport, I read a trashy novel while Brian poked fun at me, and we went home!
Whew!
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
OMG
Last Thursday a few classrooms on campus lost air conditioning. They said they were working on it.
Now the entire building is without air. Two days now. They moved my class downstairs where it is hopefully cooler, but we're dripping still. They say the air should be up and running later today, which does us no good because our class is in the morning. However, they're not even sure when the part they need is coming exactly, and whether it will help.
Who the hell are these repairmen?
Some teachers are canceling classes. Can I? No, of course not. The English department doesn't do things that way.
So I just struggle to keep my students' attention in the sweltering heat.
Lord knows I'm not keeping them the whole time. I'M not cruel.
K.Z.
Now the entire building is without air. Two days now. They moved my class downstairs where it is hopefully cooler, but we're dripping still. They say the air should be up and running later today, which does us no good because our class is in the morning. However, they're not even sure when the part they need is coming exactly, and whether it will help.
Who the hell are these repairmen?
Some teachers are canceling classes. Can I? No, of course not. The English department doesn't do things that way.
So I just struggle to keep my students' attention in the sweltering heat.
Lord knows I'm not keeping them the whole time. I'M not cruel.
K.Z.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Foot Tapping
I survived the very brief trip to South Texas for the anniversary. Can you believe my grandparents have been married 60 years?
I'm tired of driving.
The trip to New Orleans is coming up. Thursday. The week is going to be too slow. I'm sooo looking forward to it.
I'm tired of driving.
The trip to New Orleans is coming up. Thursday. The week is going to be too slow. I'm sooo looking forward to it.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
Blank
Interesting weekend.
I've talked to a lot of people at UL. I've even met a girl who lives in the complex I'll be in. She's a newbie, too. Everyone is very friendly, offering help and advice, asking questions.
This weekend something pretty big happened. Brian and I reached a new place in our relationship, which is a real relationship now. Faced with only two choices for the future, stay together and try to survive long distance or split up. It was an emotional conversation, ending with a particular declaration.
I'm sure you know the one I'm referring to.
Given this, I decided to tell my mother the truth about how we met. I didn't tell her we met online. I was a little embarrassed about it at first, and afraid my mother might judge and thus not consider the relationship valid, or might be suspicious of him. I still have a hard time giving her much credit in judging others.
So I told her the truth. Told her I was sorry for lying, and why I lied. I haven't heard from her. She could be really upset, or not surprised because sometimes she seems to expect stuff like this from me (though when it happens it's usually because of her issues). Now, it's a waiting game. She may not respond at all. I don't know.
But I figured if Brian and I are at that point, it needs to be out in the open. Who knows when he'll meet my family.
This summer is going slow. I want to be in Lafayette, and now I want to spend more time with Brian than ever.
K.Z.
E.D.
I've talked to a lot of people at UL. I've even met a girl who lives in the complex I'll be in. She's a newbie, too. Everyone is very friendly, offering help and advice, asking questions.
This weekend something pretty big happened. Brian and I reached a new place in our relationship, which is a real relationship now. Faced with only two choices for the future, stay together and try to survive long distance or split up. It was an emotional conversation, ending with a particular declaration.
I'm sure you know the one I'm referring to.
Given this, I decided to tell my mother the truth about how we met. I didn't tell her we met online. I was a little embarrassed about it at first, and afraid my mother might judge and thus not consider the relationship valid, or might be suspicious of him. I still have a hard time giving her much credit in judging others.
So I told her the truth. Told her I was sorry for lying, and why I lied. I haven't heard from her. She could be really upset, or not surprised because sometimes she seems to expect stuff like this from me (though when it happens it's usually because of her issues). Now, it's a waiting game. She may not respond at all. I don't know.
But I figured if Brian and I are at that point, it needs to be out in the open. Who knows when he'll meet my family.
This summer is going slow. I want to be in Lafayette, and now I want to spend more time with Brian than ever.
K.Z.
E.D.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Home
I have an apartment in Lafayette now. My application went through, and my parents are going to pay 7 months rent up front. I will have to pay a pet deposit for Pismo, but Orpheus can live there for free.
I'm ready to move on. I miss Lafayette already.
Brian booked us a flight to New Orleans. We're looking for hotels now. About four days in New Orleans at the end of the month. Sexy.
I've started talking to students at UL. I sent out an e-mail to the graduate list, and I've gotten quite a few responses. Only one student seemed a little iffy, got an attitude vibe when she asked me why I was moving when I didn't get an assistantship.
This week is going too slowly.
E.D.
I'm ready to move on. I miss Lafayette already.
Brian booked us a flight to New Orleans. We're looking for hotels now. About four days in New Orleans at the end of the month. Sexy.
I've started talking to students at UL. I sent out an e-mail to the graduate list, and I've gotten quite a few responses. Only one student seemed a little iffy, got an attitude vibe when she asked me why I was moving when I didn't get an assistantship.
This week is going too slowly.
E.D.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Classes
551-001 Studies in Twentieth Century American Lit TR 12:30 – 1:45 p.m. Dr. Lydia Whitt
Working Class
Literature and Labor: Writing and Reading Class in Modern America
In the past decade, “working-class” literature has emerged as a specific area of American literary
studies. As with any emerging sub-discipline, the essential nature of the area of study must be
specifically articulated if it is to flourish. Key terms and concepts pertaining to this area of study,
however, have yet to be established and are, in fact, being hotly debated by many scholars. Issues
include, but are not limited to, questions about what comprises American working-class literature: Is it
literature written about working-class characters and/or issues? Is it literature written by working-class
writers? Is it literature by AND about members of the working class? We will begin the seminar with a
brief review of such debates and spend the rest of the semester reading a variety of prose (fiction and
nonfiction) in which both work and social class are primary textual concerns. As a class, we will
formulate and modify provisional definitions of the term “working class literature” as we read each text.
Assignments will include two short papers, one in-class presentation, and a seminar paper. Each student
will also be evaluated on in-class performance and preparation.
A Partial Reading List
Looking Backward: 2000-1887 (Edward Bellamy)
O Pioneers (Willa Cather)
Poor White (Sherwood Anderson)
“May Day” (F. S. Fitzgerald)
Invisible Man (Ralph Ellison)
Trash (Dorothy Allison)
Woodcuts of Women (Dagoberto Gilb)
A Mercy (Toni Morrison)
556-001 Seminar in Rhetoric Dr. Keith Dorwick
Queer(ing) Culture – ONLINE CLASS
Beginning in the sixties with the Stonewall Riots (possibly triggered by Judy Garland’s untimely death
and her last appearance at St. Patrick’s Cathedral) but especially today, the discourse that surrounds gay
and queer culture has been loud and rude on the one hand but also increasingly sophisticated and
powerful rhetoric. We’ll look at several test cases from popular culture including queer episodes of
Roseanne (yes, the infamous kiss but also the Halloween episode in which D.J. distresses Dan by
insisting on going out dressed as a witch and Roseanne’s appearance in the local bar and its men’s room
as a guy named Fred); Ellen Degeneres/Ellen’s coming out as lesbian; the strange disappearance of
LGBTQ folk in the 24th century world of Star Trek and what almost is a good enough try (but only
almost) at representing queers; gay marriage; the Roman Catholic pedophilia scandals and how they
both do and do not count as “gay”; gays in the military and how trying it must be for straight men to
shower with men they know to be gay; lesbian invisibility and visibility; and other kinds of queer with
queer media, including that produced by very self-aware and interesting (and funny) queer folk such as
the Very Good Looking Boys from New York City and transmen and women from all over the world.
No experience in rhetoric necessary. There will be a midterm project (an eight page essay suitable for
conference presentation. The default final project is my usual: a one page abstract, eight page abstract
and 20 page critical essay all on the same research as the midterm project. Students may also negotiate
other final projects such as a video documentary, an audio documentary or other form of public
discourse, with instructor approval. This may count for area 7 distribution credit with approval of your
advisor.
FREN 532 Littérature française du dix-neuvième siècle
ENGL 500 Introduction to the PhD in English
Working Class
Literature and Labor: Writing and Reading Class in Modern America
In the past decade, “working-class” literature has emerged as a specific area of American literary
studies. As with any emerging sub-discipline, the essential nature of the area of study must be
specifically articulated if it is to flourish. Key terms and concepts pertaining to this area of study,
however, have yet to be established and are, in fact, being hotly debated by many scholars. Issues
include, but are not limited to, questions about what comprises American working-class literature: Is it
literature written about working-class characters and/or issues? Is it literature written by working-class
writers? Is it literature by AND about members of the working class? We will begin the seminar with a
brief review of such debates and spend the rest of the semester reading a variety of prose (fiction and
nonfiction) in which both work and social class are primary textual concerns. As a class, we will
formulate and modify provisional definitions of the term “working class literature” as we read each text.
Assignments will include two short papers, one in-class presentation, and a seminar paper. Each student
will also be evaluated on in-class performance and preparation.
A Partial Reading List
Looking Backward: 2000-1887 (Edward Bellamy)
O Pioneers (Willa Cather)
Poor White (Sherwood Anderson)
“May Day” (F. S. Fitzgerald)
Invisible Man (Ralph Ellison)
Trash (Dorothy Allison)
Woodcuts of Women (Dagoberto Gilb)
A Mercy (Toni Morrison)
556-001 Seminar in Rhetoric Dr. Keith Dorwick
Queer(ing) Culture – ONLINE CLASS
Beginning in the sixties with the Stonewall Riots (possibly triggered by Judy Garland’s untimely death
and her last appearance at St. Patrick’s Cathedral) but especially today, the discourse that surrounds gay
and queer culture has been loud and rude on the one hand but also increasingly sophisticated and
powerful rhetoric. We’ll look at several test cases from popular culture including queer episodes of
Roseanne (yes, the infamous kiss but also the Halloween episode in which D.J. distresses Dan by
insisting on going out dressed as a witch and Roseanne’s appearance in the local bar and its men’s room
as a guy named Fred); Ellen Degeneres/Ellen’s coming out as lesbian; the strange disappearance of
LGBTQ folk in the 24th century world of Star Trek and what almost is a good enough try (but only
almost) at representing queers; gay marriage; the Roman Catholic pedophilia scandals and how they
both do and do not count as “gay”; gays in the military and how trying it must be for straight men to
shower with men they know to be gay; lesbian invisibility and visibility; and other kinds of queer with
queer media, including that produced by very self-aware and interesting (and funny) queer folk such as
the Very Good Looking Boys from New York City and transmen and women from all over the world.
No experience in rhetoric necessary. There will be a midterm project (an eight page essay suitable for
conference presentation. The default final project is my usual: a one page abstract, eight page abstract
and 20 page critical essay all on the same research as the midterm project. Students may also negotiate
other final projects such as a video documentary, an audio documentary or other form of public
discourse, with instructor approval. This may count for area 7 distribution credit with approval of your
advisor.
FREN 532 Littérature française du dix-neuvième siècle
ENGL 500 Introduction to the PhD in English
Friday, June 4, 2010
Update
I gave in to my lover's whims and we watched the first disk of True Blood. I'm hooked, and he's feeding my addiction. He even helped me buy the seasons on DVD. They are crazy and ridiculous, with some soft-core vampire porn mixed in, and even a couple of really good, moving episodes. Some stuff is even too close to reality: relationships between people, and a Christian summer camp thing (took me back to my bible camp days, and it was so real I blushed to think how retarded I was).
I have lost a total of 15 pounds now, and got a new pair of jeans that make my ass look great.
I lost a summer class. Which means not enough money to survive. My mother offered me the money (sometimes lately she is way too giving for my comfort). I'm trying to find a part time job to fill it, but, well, you know how likely that is.
I am so very ready to get back to school.
K.Z.
I have lost a total of 15 pounds now, and got a new pair of jeans that make my ass look great.
I lost a summer class. Which means not enough money to survive. My mother offered me the money (sometimes lately she is way too giving for my comfort). I'm trying to find a part time job to fill it, but, well, you know how likely that is.
I am so very ready to get back to school.
K.Z.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Here We Go
I'm off fairly early tomorrow morning with...wait for it...my mother. Three to four days traveling with my mother to find a place to live in Lafayette, and try to get things taken care of at the school.
I pray we don't kill each other.
I pray we don't kill each other.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Promises
You know what I love? When Brian says he'll call, he'll call. And if he can't, he'll text me and let me know that and why.
It's the little things.
It's the little things.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Satin Sheets
I finally get to use my newest pair of sheets, red satin. And, oh, am I enjoying them. I get up when I please, I do what I want, I go to the gym, and I come home, shower, and slide, so smoothly, into those sheets.
Brian helped me enjoy them, too.
He's almost through with his class, soon he'll be Sergeant. Staff Sergeant Pino. Hehe. Oh the fun I'll have calling him Sergeant...
I'm 11 total pounds down total. I've been stuck there for a little while. No gain, no loss. Word is all the exercise is building muscle that's counter-acting the loss. Best not to stress, but just keep at it, and it will happen. As long as I know I'm eating healthy (except on approved days) and working my ass off (quite literally), that's all that matters. I've actually gotten quite used to eating differently. I've made it fit my schedule, found things I like that are healthy and low calorie, and have gotten better at eating less, even on cheat days. I still have a lot of work to do, but on we go...
I just got back from the gym, so I'm going to hit the shower and slide on into those keep, intense red sheets. Tomorrow is total nerd day with Brandi...
K.Z.
Brian helped me enjoy them, too.
He's almost through with his class, soon he'll be Sergeant. Staff Sergeant Pino. Hehe. Oh the fun I'll have calling him Sergeant...
I'm 11 total pounds down total. I've been stuck there for a little while. No gain, no loss. Word is all the exercise is building muscle that's counter-acting the loss. Best not to stress, but just keep at it, and it will happen. As long as I know I'm eating healthy (except on approved days) and working my ass off (quite literally), that's all that matters. I've actually gotten quite used to eating differently. I've made it fit my schedule, found things I like that are healthy and low calorie, and have gotten better at eating less, even on cheat days. I still have a lot of work to do, but on we go...
I just got back from the gym, so I'm going to hit the shower and slide on into those keep, intense red sheets. Tomorrow is total nerd day with Brandi...
K.Z.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Better Days
I didn't get the job.
And the news probably couldn't have come at a worse time. It's finals week, and those who know me know I am pretty unorganized and forget to take attendance, which means that this week is all about a rush to catch up before grades are due, as well as deal with students begging me to up their grades. The ones begging at the end are usually the ones I refuse to do that for. Especially when they plagiarize TWO papers!
Sigh.
My mom is wavering a little on the UL deal now that I didn't get a job and I may not get much in the way of financial aid. That scares me shitless, frankly. I've been getting ready to leave, anxiously.
So now I'm furiously trying to find a job. As soon as school is out for a couple of weeks I'm tearing through the internet to find something. Anything. Even teaching for online schools (something I'm on the fence about. I don't like the idea of upper level education being totally online. There's just something wrong about it).
I've seen better days.
K.Z.
And the news probably couldn't have come at a worse time. It's finals week, and those who know me know I am pretty unorganized and forget to take attendance, which means that this week is all about a rush to catch up before grades are due, as well as deal with students begging me to up their grades. The ones begging at the end are usually the ones I refuse to do that for. Especially when they plagiarize TWO papers!
Sigh.
My mom is wavering a little on the UL deal now that I didn't get a job and I may not get much in the way of financial aid. That scares me shitless, frankly. I've been getting ready to leave, anxiously.
So now I'm furiously trying to find a job. As soon as school is out for a couple of weeks I'm tearing through the internet to find something. Anything. Even teaching for online schools (something I'm on the fence about. I don't like the idea of upper level education being totally online. There's just something wrong about it).
I've seen better days.
K.Z.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Girlfriend Again
So I have yet to hear back from the community college. I'm trying not to think about it.
School is almost over, for a while anyway. I had a student who wanted an Incomplete, and I was advised not to give it, which pissed her off. She was pretty rude. But, honestly, she started missing class and not turning things in a while back, and she should have dropped instead of waiting until the week before finals to ask for an incomplete. The sword wielding boss lady said she'll reiterate my decision if the girl should call and complain. It's the freakin' end, man. What the hell?
Spent a nice weekend with Brian. Interesting thing happened: we went to visit with some guys from his class on base, and he tells me he refers to me as his girlfriend. Of course, given our agreement for the past few months I asked about it very delicately. Apparently he feels enough for me now to call me his girlfriend. I have not idea if this changes what will happen when we move, and I'm not going to ask. He's starting to get attached to me, I don't want to scare him off. I guess he just takes his sweet time when it comes to dating.
K.Z.
School is almost over, for a while anyway. I had a student who wanted an Incomplete, and I was advised not to give it, which pissed her off. She was pretty rude. But, honestly, she started missing class and not turning things in a while back, and she should have dropped instead of waiting until the week before finals to ask for an incomplete. The sword wielding boss lady said she'll reiterate my decision if the girl should call and complain. It's the freakin' end, man. What the hell?
Spent a nice weekend with Brian. Interesting thing happened: we went to visit with some guys from his class on base, and he tells me he refers to me as his girlfriend. Of course, given our agreement for the past few months I asked about it very delicately. Apparently he feels enough for me now to call me his girlfriend. I have not idea if this changes what will happen when we move, and I'm not going to ask. He's starting to get attached to me, I don't want to scare him off. I guess he just takes his sweet time when it comes to dating.
K.Z.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Start Your Engines
Here we go, South Louisiana interview, final round, about to commence in 3, 2, 1...
Monday, May 3, 2010
News
Ok, got a call from South Louisiana.
At first I had a panic. The guy asked if I could come in for an interview at 1:30pm tomorrow. "Shit!" I thought. I said I was in North Texas and teach during the week, so it was difficult for me to get there on such short notice. Then he said "what about 4?"
Not really any better. I told him I would call him back after I talked to my boss and made travel arrangements.
He called me, thank God.
I have a telephone interview, the final one I assume, tomorrow at 1:30pm.
Looks like I'm still in the running.
K.Z.
At first I had a panic. The guy asked if I could come in for an interview at 1:30pm tomorrow. "Shit!" I thought. I said I was in North Texas and teach during the week, so it was difficult for me to get there on such short notice. Then he said "what about 4?"
Not really any better. I told him I would call him back after I talked to my boss and made travel arrangements.
He called me, thank God.
I have a telephone interview, the final one I assume, tomorrow at 1:30pm.
Looks like I'm still in the running.
K.Z.
Not the Best Start
Sunday night: The nastiest migraine in a long time. I felt like having someone put a gun to my head and pull the trigger just to make it stop. Or use a drill. Or have the Hulk reach in and yank out my brains.
I was nauseous too. Wanted to vomit but couldn't.
Suffered a nice chunk of the night. So forget morning classes. NOT going to happen.
It's the last week of classes. We're almost to the end. It's definitely time.
I was nauseous too. Wanted to vomit but couldn't.
Suffered a nice chunk of the night. So forget morning classes. NOT going to happen.
It's the last week of classes. We're almost to the end. It's definitely time.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Friday
Two more lbs down as of the scale this morning. 10 total!
Cheat day tomorrow. Yay!
The boss lady says they'll try to arrange a sit-down between the cops and my crazy student.
My mother was worried he might have taken more important info. Scared me a moment, but the way he's acting, I don't think it was like that. He just thought he was being funny. He didn't want to do serious harm. He just needs to learn.
Brian's not coming. The weeks lack something without him.
BBQ birthday tomorrow!
K.Z.
Cheat day tomorrow. Yay!
The boss lady says they'll try to arrange a sit-down between the cops and my crazy student.
My mother was worried he might have taken more important info. Scared me a moment, but the way he's acting, I don't think it was like that. He just thought he was being funny. He didn't want to do serious harm. He just needs to learn.
Brian's not coming. The weeks lack something without him.
BBQ birthday tomorrow!
K.Z.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Interview
Ok. Part I is over.
I had the interview, and it lasted about 30 minutes. They asked questions about teaching style, student relationships, handling situations, etc. They had not yet seen my video, and were going to watch it after the interview.
They will be narrowing it down to four by next week. If I am one of the four they will contact me then. Then there is a second interview, it can be in person or over the phone, I'm not sure which I'll do. It depends on when they want to talk to me.
So, the ordeal isn't quite over yet.
K.Z.
I had the interview, and it lasted about 30 minutes. They asked questions about teaching style, student relationships, handling situations, etc. They had not yet seen my video, and were going to watch it after the interview.
They will be narrowing it down to four by next week. If I am one of the four they will contact me then. Then there is a second interview, it can be in person or over the phone, I'm not sure which I'll do. It depends on when they want to talk to me.
So, the ordeal isn't quite over yet.
K.Z.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
The week continued...
True friends are very hard to find.
I got the teaching demo recorded with the help of my dear Brandi. She sat there in the classroom with me for almost two hours going over and over the demo, helping me edit it, perform it better, and get it perfectly recorded.
Well, is it perfect? Probably not. I actually watched a few seconds of it and looked like a tan cow. Oh well. I won't not look like a cow until I lose the weight.
So, now I feel a little better that it's finished. They call me tomorrow at 11am for the interview over the phone. I'll be glad when it's all over, and when the week is over. I'm tired, like all the teachers, my students are anxious and tired, and we all are desperately trying to survive the rest of the term.
I showed a good deal of Titus to the lit. class at Tarrant. I'll show them more. I thought it was really risky, but it's not as bad as I remember. Strange how that works.
Eating habits this week are killing me. I'm dying for Saturday's cheat day. Brandi's BBQ!
K.Z.
I got the teaching demo recorded with the help of my dear Brandi. She sat there in the classroom with me for almost two hours going over and over the demo, helping me edit it, perform it better, and get it perfectly recorded.
Well, is it perfect? Probably not. I actually watched a few seconds of it and looked like a tan cow. Oh well. I won't not look like a cow until I lose the weight.
So, now I feel a little better that it's finished. They call me tomorrow at 11am for the interview over the phone. I'll be glad when it's all over, and when the week is over. I'm tired, like all the teachers, my students are anxious and tired, and we all are desperately trying to survive the rest of the term.
I showed a good deal of Titus to the lit. class at Tarrant. I'll show them more. I thought it was really risky, but it's not as bad as I remember. Strange how that works.
Eating habits this week are killing me. I'm dying for Saturday's cheat day. Brandi's BBQ!
K.Z.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Sigh...
The week has started. It feels like another week, and I can't wait for it to end.
I have my interview Thursday, and I'm nervous I won't give them what they're looking for. I'm also nervous I won't finish the damn presentation by tomorrow so I/Brandi can record it. Grading is taking a backseat until it's complete. Students might get antsy, but at this point I don't really care. I'll tell them the truth: that I have something going on that is taking precedence for a short while.
I turned the student in to the department. Zena passed it on to the dean. They haven't decided what to do, but I got agitated today when I had a text from him again telling me he couldn't get on the internet and wanted to know if anything was due next class.
I'm not telling him shit.
I guess having a good week is mindset to start out. I think now that I know I'm not going to be here that much longer I'm more anxious to be through with teaching and move on. I'm also tired most of the time. The knowledge of what I have to do this week, and how long it's going to feel makes me weary.
Of course, having weekends in Abilene is like waking from a good dream and not having gotten enough sleep.
So, what to do? Not really sure.
K.Z.
I have my interview Thursday, and I'm nervous I won't give them what they're looking for. I'm also nervous I won't finish the damn presentation by tomorrow so I/Brandi can record it. Grading is taking a backseat until it's complete. Students might get antsy, but at this point I don't really care. I'll tell them the truth: that I have something going on that is taking precedence for a short while.
I turned the student in to the department. Zena passed it on to the dean. They haven't decided what to do, but I got agitated today when I had a text from him again telling me he couldn't get on the internet and wanted to know if anything was due next class.
I'm not telling him shit.
I guess having a good week is mindset to start out. I think now that I know I'm not going to be here that much longer I'm more anxious to be through with teaching and move on. I'm also tired most of the time. The knowledge of what I have to do this week, and how long it's going to feel makes me weary.
Of course, having weekends in Abilene is like waking from a good dream and not having gotten enough sleep.
So, what to do? Not really sure.
K.Z.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Cheat Day
Lost three more pounds according to the scale this morning. That makes 8 so far.
Yay for cheat day!
Had a ball teaching lyrical poetry, particularly my favourite Shakespearean sonnet, to my lit class, and am excited about teaching Titus next week.
Have dinner with the posse tonight, and a late movie.
Going to Abilene tomorrow for some you-know-what.
Am going to start working today on my teaching demo for my interview next week.
That's all for now! How's everyone?
K.Z.
Yay for cheat day!
Had a ball teaching lyrical poetry, particularly my favourite Shakespearean sonnet, to my lit class, and am excited about teaching Titus next week.
Have dinner with the posse tonight, and a late movie.
Going to Abilene tomorrow for some you-know-what.
Am going to start working today on my teaching demo for my interview next week.
That's all for now! How's everyone?
K.Z.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Creepy!!
One of my more frustrating students, frustrating in a I-think-I'm-funnier-than-I-am-and-I-love-to-get-a-rise-out-of-you-even-though-most-everyone-finds-me-annoying-too, grabbed my phone while my back was turned during class and took my phone number, then called me. I didn't pick up because I didn't know the number. Then he texted me.
I tried to be as diplomatic as possible in telling him it was a bad idea, especially since he had to go behind my back while I was teaching to do it instead of paying attention in class. I told him I would forget it if he deleted the number and used the same contact information as his classmates.
Aghhh!
I tried to be as diplomatic as possible in telling him it was a bad idea, especially since he had to go behind my back while I was teaching to do it instead of paying attention in class. I told him I would forget it if he deleted the number and used the same contact information as his classmates.
Aghhh!
And We're Off!
I got an e-mail from South Louisiana Community College, where I applied for a full-time position. They want me for an interview. Problem is, they have certain time slots during the week, and it's first come first serve. I can't miss two to three days of the week at the end of the semester.
I jump immediately and e-mail them, telling them I live and teach in Texas and want to do everything necessary, but could I possibly interview on the weekend so that I could travel?
Not likely, right?
They gave me a phone interview!
K.Z.
I jump immediately and e-mail them, telling them I live and teach in Texas and want to do everything necessary, but could I possibly interview on the weekend so that I could travel?
Not likely, right?
They gave me a phone interview!
K.Z.
Oui, Je Parle Francais
I'm setting up a folder with all the necessities for beginning my studies at UL. Of course, I have to satisfy a language requirement, and we know that's not a problem for me at all. But, I'm so siked!
I have so many options as to how I can satisfy it, a couple of which include taking graduate level courses! Ah! Heaven!
I know you must be thinking, "what a nerd!"
But, I really don't give a shit. I'm a nerd! And proud of it!
K.Z.
I have so many options as to how I can satisfy it, a couple of which include taking graduate level courses! Ah! Heaven!
I know you must be thinking, "what a nerd!"
But, I really don't give a shit. I'm a nerd! And proud of it!
K.Z.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Tick Tock
"Hook's afraid of an old dead crock!"
I'm still waiting on one college to give me classes or tell me I'm fucked for the summer. Why, why do they take their sweet time? Seriously? They sent out the request form weeks ago. All it takes is a few assignments a day and they could have assigned classes long ago! Spring is almost over! I need my schedule!
Dr. A, the feminine form, wants to meet with me to give me what she calls her "surviving the PhD program speech." As well as discuss what classes I'll be taking the first semester. Of course I want to meet with her, we all know how much I worship my committee, particularly her. Problem is I haven't heard back from the coordinator at Louisiana yet. I sent him an e-mail Monday telling him I accepted and want to get started. He, too, appears to be taking his sweet time.
Bugger.
I'm still waiting on one college to give me classes or tell me I'm fucked for the summer. Why, why do they take their sweet time? Seriously? They sent out the request form weeks ago. All it takes is a few assignments a day and they could have assigned classes long ago! Spring is almost over! I need my schedule!
Dr. A, the feminine form, wants to meet with me to give me what she calls her "surviving the PhD program speech." As well as discuss what classes I'll be taking the first semester. Of course I want to meet with her, we all know how much I worship my committee, particularly her. Problem is I haven't heard back from the coordinator at Louisiana yet. I sent him an e-mail Monday telling him I accepted and want to get started. He, too, appears to be taking his sweet time.
Bugger.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Am I Terrible?
I've had a lot of drops this semesters. A couple of my classes have decreased significantly. The ones who dropped are students who never showed or didn't turn things in, but still. It makes me wonder...
Sunday, April 18, 2010
The Week Begins
Since my friends were so wonderful and fulfilled my weeklong craving, I won't be eating meat for a couple of days. No worries, though, I'll get my protein, and I do love me some eggplant and butternut quash, roasted with some onions, or even just steamed, with just the right amount of seasoning. Yummy.
I finally finished my grandfather's blanket. It's a little rough around the edges, but it's my first real finished piece, and he'll love to have the first.
I finally finished my grandfather's blanket. It's a little rough around the edges, but it's my first real finished piece, and he'll love to have the first.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
5lbs!!
Five pounds in one week! I love five pounds in one week! I was hoping for one or two, but five! And I wasn't starving!
Friday, April 16, 2010
It's Friday Bitches!
My 1302 students signed the waiver, but no one seemed to want to borrow my copy. They were all afraid of the gay love.
Oh well.
So, tomorrow is my cheat day, but my partner may not be here with me.
I'm seriously craving a BBQ bacon cheeseburger, with cooked onions and fries. I also really want a margarita. The trick will be not overeating.
Oh well.
So, tomorrow is my cheat day, but my partner may not be here with me.
I'm seriously craving a BBQ bacon cheeseburger, with cooked onions and fries. I also really want a margarita. The trick will be not overeating.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Ahh, the pressures of teaching
So, I gave my classes a small extra credit opportunity. For 1301's Legends research paper I show them the documentary on Waverly Hills. The guys who made the documentary also made a really bad horror film. We're literally talking about five busty coeds who are selected for a dare and have to spend five hours in the haunted sanatorium (which bares a different name for the movie, of course). I watched it, and it's pretty much how I remember, just a little more nudity, language and images because I originally saw it on Syfy.
So, of course, I wrote a disclaimer that they all have to sign.
Same thing for Wilde. The movie's based on Richard Ellman's Oscar Wilde bio., and Wilde was gay, so...you can imagine.
Isn't teaching undergraduate level community college fun?
Most of my students probably don't care. But there's always the risk of that one pain in the ass who can't just fast forward through what they don't want to see, or wait for the next extra credit opportunity.
Also, my cheat day is coming! Yay! Let's hope I don't throw everything up this time.
So, of course, I wrote a disclaimer that they all have to sign.
Same thing for Wilde. The movie's based on Richard Ellman's Oscar Wilde bio., and Wilde was gay, so...you can imagine.
Isn't teaching undergraduate level community college fun?
Most of my students probably don't care. But there's always the risk of that one pain in the ass who can't just fast forward through what they don't want to see, or wait for the next extra credit opportunity.
Also, my cheat day is coming! Yay! Let's hope I don't throw everything up this time.
moving onward. and up?
i'm glad to see that we're posting again. i've missed this extra little bit of communication.
i don't have anything new to share or any exciting news to relay. life is, for the most part, the same. my family and i seem to have reached a new normal since dad's last hospitalization. it's a daily struggle and constant worry, but so far everything seems to be working.
i do have some things in the work...i am not, however, prepared to say anything more than that. one day i'll share. when i have a firm answer. when i can say things with certainty.
~b.h.
i don't have anything new to share or any exciting news to relay. life is, for the most part, the same. my family and i seem to have reached a new normal since dad's last hospitalization. it's a daily struggle and constant worry, but so far everything seems to be working.
i do have some things in the work...i am not, however, prepared to say anything more than that. one day i'll share. when i have a firm answer. when i can say things with certainty.
~b.h.
New E-mail
We can also post via e-mail, it seems. Click on the little envelope.
"In short there's simply not,
A more congenial spot,
For Happily Ever Aftering,
Than here in Camelot." - Camelot
A more congenial spot,
For Happily Ever Aftering,
Than here in Camelot." - Camelot
New Possibilites
We started this thing to keep in touch, thinking we would all be in different parts of the country by now. Well...
Unfortunately (mostly for me) that didn't really happen. I never would have survived my first semester teaching if it weren't for my friends. But here we are nearing the end of another Spring semester:
Myself: Normal news is that I'm still teaching and trying not to kill my students or certain people at a particular school for which I work. 20lbs heavier, but with some very strict help from someone who has become very dear to me that may change to 60lbs lighter by this time next year. Still not talking to the Ex Factor. Made an attempt, but got all riled up again, so had to call it off.
Good news is that I have officially been accepted to the University of Louisiana. They put me on the waiting list for funding, but hey, it's an acceptance. LSU put me on their acceptance waiting list. I will probably know something certain in a couple of weeks. Even better news, my family is talking about the possibility of helping me into the PhD program with or without funding the first semester. The idea is that I could either go now and pursue the opportunities there, or waiting around in a job I don't truly enjoy, only to spend more money on another Bachelor's and more applications. It seems to myself, and everyone else, I'm better off taking the acceptance and finding a job there while continuing to apply for fellowships and assistantships, which, presumably, will be easier to access when I'm actually there. So, yay for my family and friends believing in me and wanting to help me pursue my dreams.
I'm also turning the screenplay I wrote in graduate school into a novel. I have hopes for it, as well as a hardcore editor.
So, how about an update from everyone else?
Unfortunately (mostly for me) that didn't really happen. I never would have survived my first semester teaching if it weren't for my friends. But here we are nearing the end of another Spring semester:
Myself: Normal news is that I'm still teaching and trying not to kill my students or certain people at a particular school for which I work. 20lbs heavier, but with some very strict help from someone who has become very dear to me that may change to 60lbs lighter by this time next year. Still not talking to the Ex Factor. Made an attempt, but got all riled up again, so had to call it off.
Good news is that I have officially been accepted to the University of Louisiana. They put me on the waiting list for funding, but hey, it's an acceptance. LSU put me on their acceptance waiting list. I will probably know something certain in a couple of weeks. Even better news, my family is talking about the possibility of helping me into the PhD program with or without funding the first semester. The idea is that I could either go now and pursue the opportunities there, or waiting around in a job I don't truly enjoy, only to spend more money on another Bachelor's and more applications. It seems to myself, and everyone else, I'm better off taking the acceptance and finding a job there while continuing to apply for fellowships and assistantships, which, presumably, will be easier to access when I'm actually there. So, yay for my family and friends believing in me and wanting to help me pursue my dreams.
I'm also turning the screenplay I wrote in graduate school into a novel. I have hopes for it, as well as a hardcore editor.
So, how about an update from everyone else?
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